What Do You Desire in Your Leaders?

I read an interview in the Reader's Digest with author Malcolm Gladwell, whose most recent book is called "David and Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits and the Art of Battling Giants." The accompanying image (a sculpture of David, preparing to do battle with Goliath, by Bernini)

 drew me in; several quotes from the interview have stayed with me, and are worth reflection - particularly in our current political and business climate.

Reader's Digest Interviewer: What's the one thing you'd like us to take away from your book?
Malcolm Gladwell: That the greatest things in the world come from suffering.* It ought to give us solace. A lot of what is most beautiful about the world arises from struggle.
RD: You once said that we are always drawn to charismatic leaders, even though things often wind up badly. Why do you think that happens?
MG: Mistake number one is that we're interested in charisma. We often simply go for the physically imposing or attractive. Or we choose narcissists of one variety or another...We are also overly in love with certainty as a trait in our leaders.

 After reading and reflecting on those words, the following popped into my "inbox:"

"In the second half of life, you have begun to live and experience the joy of your inner purpose...At one and the same time, you know what you do know (but now deeply and quietly), and you also know what you do not know...Many politicians and clergy know what they know, but they don’t know what they don’t know, and that’s what makes them dangerous...A creative tension in the second half of life, knowing what you know and knowing what you don’t know, is a necessary one." - Richard Rohr, adapted from Adult Christianity and How to Get There

In order to exercise leadership or employ our expertise, we must have courage. We must be willing to stand for what we know to be true. However, it takes great courage and humility - one might call it integrity - to admit to ourselves, and to others, what we do not know.

This integrity is essential in business, in public service, and in our personal lives, if relationships are to be healthy and sustainable. Great damage is done by individuals who - in pursuit of power, wealth, influence or "success" - do all that they can to appear to have great expertise and certainty, beyond the scope of their true ability. "I don't know...but I will find out" is a perfectly acceptable answer - and it can deepen trust in a relationship.

Further damage ensues when profit for our own entity is the only goal we seek. There is evidence of a "me first" standard in business today, witnessed by the conduct of executives and corporations in the news (for one awful example, see this article in Vanity Fair). "Me first" is a not a sustainable model in relationships; this lesson is taught in kindergarten.

Integrity should be our highest standard, far more than profit. Profits - and fortunes - will come and go, but character is lasting. We have the potential to create a world in which business, political and personal relationships function for mutual benefit and blessing. The way to begin is to practice integrity in each aspect of our own lives, in matters small and great, so that we are not divided, but whole and consistent human beings. We can make our choices, one at a time, with the intent to bless - and in doing so, we can transform the world, one decision, one transaction, one thought at a time.

*A word about suffering: although I take Gladwell's point about suffering bearing many fruits of benefit in the world, it is important to understand that many of these benefits are apparent only after the crisis of suffering has passed. It is difficult to see blessings in the midst of suffering, and one who attempts to comfort the sufferer by pointing to the blessings inherent in it, is likely to fail - and to alienate the sufferer.

Actions > Words

No matter what words we use, our actions speak a deep and lasting message to those we meet. Ralph Waldo Emerson put it simply and eloquently:  
"What you do speaks so loudly, that it does not let me hear what you say." 

If our words and our actions are at variance, which do you suppose people will believe - and remember?

Author and doctor Don Miguel Ruiz wrote The Four Agreements. His website explains, "After exploring the human mind from a Toltec as well as scientific perspective, Don Miguel has combined old wisdom with modern insights and created a new message for all mankind, based in truth and common sense." 

The Four Agreements according to Don Miguel Ruiz are:

"1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don't Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don't Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret."

The path may be stony and hard this day, or smooth and even; we may be surrounded by friends, or pierced with weapons wielded by adversaries. Whatever this day holds, may wisdom inform our words and actions, that they may be of one spirit - that we may be a blessing to those we meet.

The Gold Standard

"We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give." - Winston Churchill

Should our living and our life be different? How can we integrate them?

I grew up in a household which was supported by a family business. My father founded his own manufacturer's representative agency (Philip J. Boren, Inc.) when he was 40 years old. It was a huge leap of faith, and an adventure for him and our family.

As the business grew, so did our involvement with it. My father always discussed the events of his day with us over dinner. When his territory expanded to five states, he had to spend time away from home. This was the worst aspect of the job, for him; when the highway speed limit was lowered due to a national energy crisis, Dad decided to earn a pilot's license. Traveling to serve his clients was no longer a long haul; it was an opportunity to enjoy his hobby, while taking care of business - and arrive home in time for dinner with the family.

Dad drafted us to work for him at wholesale and retail trade shows, as well as on the road. He trained each one of his children in the art of sales, which he perceived as knowing your product, understanding and caring about your client's needs, and doing your best to explain to the buyer how your product could benefit their business. He actually used to pray silently, before making a presentation, that his client would be led to make the right decision to bless their business. He trusted that what was right for the client would in the end benefit our family's business. He cared about doing right, not just doing well - and he did both.

I am certain that the buyers he served felt his genuine caring and integrity, and he was very successful in sales and income, as well as his standing in the field. He won many sales awards and helped his customers - and the factories he represented - to prosper. His example made a lifelong impression on me of the highest aim in business: to bless everyone involved - not just to "make a living."

He faced industry-related problems, including disagreeable mandates from factories, demanding clients, service issues, rivalry, and even the occasional swindling by someone he had trusted. He held onto his integrity through it all, even if that integrity threatened to cut his income. He is still, at 86, the most honest person I have ever met.

Do we "make a living by what we get," or "by what we give?" What should our primary motivation be? What will lead to fulfillment and truly satisfying relationships over a lifetime? Will we be able to live with honor, according to the way we make our living? My father's example is the gold standard, for me - and I am thankful for it.